After countless previews, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures released Marvel’s The Avengers in the United States of 4 May 2012. It was part of a continuing effort to destroy a great democracy.

Movie Cliches

Over years of watching way too many movies, I have a long list of movie cliches that annoy me. These are most definitely not things like people never saying “goodbye” before they hang up the phone. Only a much worse pedant than I would have a problem with that. What I’m talking about are offensive narrative devices — things that would never fly in a novel.

One of these showed up in all its glory in Marvel’s The Avengers. Agent Phil Coulson dies. And everyone is very sad. In fact, Nick Fury uses Coulson’s blood-stained Captain America cards to bind the team together to take on the Chitauri army. They do this in less than an hour. And everyone is happy, apparently having had their memories of Coulson erased. But that should be easy enough to do. After all, Coulson wasn’t a character; he was a plot device.

It reminds me of a line from Laurie Anderson’s song “Big Science,” “I think we should put some mountains here. Otherwise, what are the characters going to fall off of?” Put mountains up so the characters can fall from them or kill a character so the characters can bind themselves together. But at least in the former case, after the characters fall off the mountain, the mountain is still there.

Silly Concept

Marvel’s The Avengers is written (along with Zak Penn) and directed by Joss Whedon. And it is not nearly as bad as it could have been. The half of the film that is played as humor works quite well as entertainment. I suspect that this is due to Penn, who is a funny guy.[1] Overall, the film holds together well enough — especially when you consider what a stupid concept The Avengers is: a Norse god, a billionaire in a high tech suit, a guy from the 1940s with a souped-up body, a ninja spy, an expert archer, and a green monster. Seriously: the parody Mystery Men features a much more coherent team.

The other half of the film is superhero action. These scenes do have the advantage that the characters are, you know, superheroes instead of, say, Sherlock Holmes. But this doesn’t change the fact that they are boring. Iron Man has to fix a turbine, and Captain America has to pull the red lever at just the right time. Otherwise, Iron Man will get cut to pieces. As you might imagine, I was not wondering if Iron Man was going to be cut to pieces. First, his suit protects him from everything. Second: right! Like Captain America — a character so earnest he shits puppies — would ever let anyone down.[2]

The same thing happens at the end of the film when Iron Man is in the other universe. The only question was whether he would make it out in the nick of time or be caught so that he could escape in Iron Man 3. Spoiler: Iron Man 3 was not about Tony Stark’s escape from wherever the hell that place was.

Noble But Useless Military

The film is schizophrenic in this portrayal of the military. This isn’t a surprise: Americans are just the same. They think that the government can’t do anything right at the same time they worship the military as God’s perfection on Earth. So we get all kinds of scenes of dashing men and women in uniform with their shiny high-tech weapons who are unfortunately just not up to the threat they face.

So, the romantic (super) heroes step in to save the day. Joseph Goebbels would have loved this film: it tells people they are free at the same time that it shows them they must yield to their betters: the übermenschen — people like Hitler, Stalin, Stephen Miller. Loki is the villain, not because he wants to enslave the people, but because he likes the idea. What differentiates Loki from Thor is style, not content.

Pernicious Propaganda

Films like Marvel’s The Avengers are pernicious. People let them wash over their minds. But the themes build up and stick. They tell people that the way to a more perfect society is not through joint action; it is through belief in superheroes who will protect us.

This is exactly what every modern despot has ever told the people he controls. Many have noticed the tendency of the elite in this country to be anti-democratic. Long before we saw widespread voter suppression laws, I heard conservatives grouse that the ignorant should not be allowed to vote. (Not surprisingly, I have heard this from some of the most ignorant people around; better someone who gets news passively than someone who gets news actively from the countless propaganda outlets.) It is only through faith in ourselves as a group that we can bring about a more perfect future.

But Entertaining Propaganda

As entertainment, Marvel’s The Avengers works well enough, and much better than Iron Man 2. Its two-plus hours go by quickly. The 45-minute segment on the floating warship that is mostly comedy is quite good. Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner (Hulk) is a nice take on the character — at least until the third act. Robert Downey Jr was as good as could be hoped for in a role that had many good lines. And Samuel L Jackson’s performance was on-brand.

On a film of this size, it’s hard to say who is responsible for its look. But it looks the way Whedon’s projects always look: cyberpunk without the style. Some of the special effects looked good, but I noticed a lot of obvious compositing. Technically speaking, the film was what you would expect for this kind of budget: professional and uninspired.

If you like these kinds of movies and can deal with the thematic problems, have at Marvel’s The Avengers. You’d be better off supporting filmmakers who don’t have $220 million to tell a story you could get from a comic book. But I won’t judge you. I like a lot of films that are equally problematic.

Normally, I provide an embed of the movie I highlight. I can’t. Disney has locked down even the Russian sites. And if this is your thing, you probably already own it. If not, buy it.

Other 4 May Anniversaries

This was not a great date! Otherwise, I would not be talking about a Marvel film. It is what it is!

Filmmakers:

• Richard Jenkins (1947-): Character actor you’ve seen all over including in The Cabin in the Woods.
• Pia Zadora (1954-): Psychotronic fans know her for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
• Mary Beth McDonough (1961-): Star of Midnight Offerings and Mortuary.
• Emily Perkins (1977-): Star of Ginger Snaps.
• Gracie Gillam (1992-): Actor known for Superhost and The Vampire Diaries.

Films:

• The Shape of Things to Come (1979): Moon colony is attacked.
• Sixteen Candles (1984): Teen comedy by John Hughes.
• Tales From The Darkside: The Movie (1990): Horror-comedy anthology.
• The Mummy Returns (2001): Seven years later, we get a new mummy but roughly the same film.
• And Then They Were Dead… (2004): A mysterious dinner party causes everyone to go crazy.
• Spider-Man 3 (2007): The third of the Raimi Spider-Man films.
• God of Vampires (2010): A hitman is contracted to kill a mobster who is also a vampire.
• Meadowoods (2010): College students plot a murder.

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[1] His fake director’s commentary on Incident at Loch Ness is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

[2] When Thor first shows up and rushes away, Captain America is going to go after him. One of the two female characters warns him not to go because Thor is a god. The Captain says, “There’s only one God, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that.” Please! Even apart from the special pleading (“Those Norse and their silly myths; why didn’t they believe our myths?”), this is such pandering. And from an atheist writer/director!

Marvel’s The Avengers (2012) poster via Wikipedia under Fair Use.