When I first got into low-budget movies, I figured that despite all their other faults, they would at least have strong screenplays because that’s one thing you could get right without cost. Boy was I naive! Also: on this day, 29 April, in 2005, the big-budget cinematic version of Douglas Adams’ book was released, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

It seems that what it takes to sit in your room for months crafting a screenplay is not what it takes to get a film made. That means that a lot of films go into production with poor scripts. And thank God for that! I’d rather have the films than see young would-be filmmakers die alone in their rooms for lack of Vitamin D.

Why Hitchhiker Is Just Fine

And that brings me to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The screenplay isn’t bad. And the film was fine. It worked well enough. And that seems to be what everyone else thought. No one demanded their money or time back. Most two-hour periods are worse than the two hours I spent with it.

But given all the talent and creativity that went into the film, why was it just fine? I think the answer to this is simple: the source material wasn’t that great.

I’ll admit: I came to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy late — a couple of years after all my nerdy friends were raving about it. And I did not get it. I could see that it was meant to be funny. But it was filled with the kinds of jokes that people with poor senses of humor find hysterical.

My theory is that no one ever found the books funny. Instead, they thought them “clever” and thought they would like to be the kind of people who they suspected would find such things funny.

So 15 years ago today we got this film. And it’s fine. It really is. I wouldn’t mind watching it again.

But you know what I can’t take? Good Omens. I got about five minutes into it and I realized they were doing that same kind of comedy and I stopped. And that seems to be the ultimate legacy of Douglas Adams: that kind of comedy where just in case the jokes don’t work the teller is going to do it really intensely.

But the movie? Fine.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy poster via Wikipedia under Fair Use.

On this day, 28 April, back in 1930, the actor Carolyn Jones was born. She will always be remembered as Morticia in the television series The Addams Family.

When I was a kid, I much preferred The Munsters. But as I got older, I turned away from it and toward The Addams Family. The comedy is much more arch.

What seems weird now is that I remember these shows being huge. But they both ended after two seasons. Even in their first seasons, they both were roughly the twentieth most popular shows — good but not astounding. And in their second seasons, The Munsters was destroyed by Batman and The Addams Family by Hogan’s Heroes.

Still, the shows are great. I watched the entire first season a couple of months ago and it holds up really well.

Carolyn Jones had a good career outside The Addams Family. She had notable parts in classics like William Castle’s The Saracen Blade, Don Siegel’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive.

Sadly, Jones developed colon cancer and died at the age of 53.

Also Today

A few notable films were released on this date. The Horror Show came out in 1989. The documentary Crumb came out in 1995, the experimental Timecode in 2000, and the surprisingly good comedy The TV Set in 2006.

Carolyn Jones and John Astin by ABC Television via Wikipedia. It is in the Public Domain.

In 2000, Miss Congeniality was released. It is mostly a love letter to beauty pageants even if it also lampoons them. But it was not, however, released on this date. It was released on 22 December.

But you see, I had a problem. I’ve complained about it before. It’s really hard to do these anniversary posts. And today, I had no films released and the only person who was even close to being worth focusing on was Paul Mazursky (Down and Out in Beverly Hills).

In the film Miss Congeniality, Miss Rhode Island is asked to describe her perfect date. She then says, “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”

Sympathy for the Contestant

These kinds of screw-ups are not that uncommon. In fact, this one probably really happened. But I feel sorry for the contestants. It’s all so fake and the questions are out of context. Given that the pageants are all about sex but pretend that it is nothing about sex, it isn’t surprising that a contestant would misinterpret the question.

And it’s not like asking someone their favorite day of the year is any more ridiculous than the rest of the questions they have to answer.

But the line is very funny. And it sets up a great joke later when Rhode Island tells the other contestants what she would have said, “My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic dinner, and then we walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and music and movies.”

To this, New York says, “No wonder you’re still a virgin.”

Miss Congeniality poster via Wikipedia under Fair use.

These anniversary posts are hard. At least they are now. And today, I’m really reaching. You see, on this day, 20 April, in 1991, the director Don Siegel died. Not that I need an excuse to gush about him.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

For the psychotronic fan, Don Siegel is mostly known as the director of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956). Of course, we all hate that tacked on “happy” ending. But if you’re quick with a remote control, you can start it at 2:55 and kill it right before the dissolve when Bennell (Kevin McCarthy) is on the highway shouting, “They’re here already! You’re next!” (That’s at 1:18:10, according to my copy.)

The 1978 remake is excellent, but the only way that it really improved the original is in demonstrating the original ending of Bennell losing his mind on a crowded road was the optimistic ending. Screenwriter WD Richter and director Philip Kaufman left no doubt: we are screwed!

Charley Varrick and Others

Don Siegel directed a lot of other great films. He’s probably most remembered for his films with Clint Eastwood: Coogan’s Bluff, Two Mules for Sister Sara, The Beguiled, Dirty Harry, and Escape from Alcatraz.

But my favorite Siegel film is Charley Varrick. That has as much to do with Howard A Rodman’s and Dean Riesner’s screenplay as anything else. But given that Siegel also produced the film (as he often did), he should get part of the credit. And as a director, he makes it all work and never gets in the way of the story.

I think of Siegel as I do George Roy Hill: a really successful director who worked widely with some of the biggest stars of the time but before the job had the kind of cachet that turned film directors into the modern equivalent of novelists. There’s nothing flashy about Siegel. There is no “Siegel style.” He just created some of the best films ever made.

Image cropped from Don Siegel via IMDb under Fair Use.

On this day, 19 April, in 1973, the classic film Soylent Green was released. It’s become one of those films that everyone knows of but few have actually seen. And that is due to the icon line, “Soylent Green is people!” I’m not a huge Charlton Heston fan, but the man could deliver a line!

When I was a kid, there was a very popular commercial with a jingle, “Mutual of Omaha is people you can count on when the going’s tough.” I took to singing (with slight melodic changes), “Soylent Green is people…” And just stopped it there.

But the truth is that the whole cannibalism aspect of the plot hardly matters. Soylent Green is a very good dystopian movie with a typically 1970s paranoid ending. I think this is why more people don’t watch it: they think they’ve already seen it.

The same goes for other films like it. For example, I think The Sixth Sense is an excellent film. But it’s widely written off as nothing more than a film with a clever twist. A second viewing shows that it’s a heartbreaking drama.

Of course, the other reason that people don’t watch Soylent Green is that it isn’t new. However, I wonder if Redbox units stored past classics there wouldn’t be a notable number of rentals. After all, people listen to old songs on jukeboxes. But I’m probably being far too optimistic.

Also on 19 April

Actor Hugh O’Brian (The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp) was born in 1925, Jayne Mansfield (The Girl Can’t Help It) in 1933, and Dudley Moore (Bedazzled) in 1935.

Tim Curry (The Rocky Horror Picture Show) is 74 and Kate Hudson (Almost Famous) is 41.

Soylent Green via Wikipedia under Fair use.